Like this:

I’m in a shut down, bubbling, clenching, to what is and isn’t right now. So now what? I’m not really sure what is trying to come out, or what I want to happen just now. I’m searching for a meaning, a lesson to validate this stretch. I’m a fish out of water here, evolving lungs as best I can to breathe tomorrow in. Where is the wise man before dawn? Resting as we all ought to in order to be the day. This is low in my stomach, aching like hunger. It swells like anger, my simplest motivator, that beast which roars to the trembling world and echos around the lonely chasm as stand stunned, grasping for what is left. I daren’t. Scary isn’t a team player. This uncertainty is troubling, shaking my confidence to feel. I ought to sleep, tiredness always gets the better of me and I know I’ll be better in the morrow but my eyes won’t shut, my insides won’t still, the search beams still blaze. I’m looking for something inside me that’ll let me know it is going to be ok. I’ve lost my convincer, my trust in words. I’m desperate for an answer to this, I feel guilty for hiding away here, grabbing for whatever will get me back in the game. My emotional fitness is being tested with a marathon of ettiquette and worry and love and wonder and fear and monotomy and boredom and loneliness and never ever getting to switch off. Many people say, ask for help, I just don’t know who to ask.

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